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Permalink Reply by Kristen Crosby on January 1, 2012 at 7:52pm

Molly,

besides what michael said one thing id like to say because he sounds like hes doing some things i did and still do even though im an adult. He has to have things explained to him in a way that doesnt come across as though he is wrong. Although learning to be wrong and accepting it and learning from it is part of life. during areas of tough learning (for aspies that all social and communication areas) being told your wrong , can easily make an aspie feel stupid or attacked. you said you wanted to know how to know what should be excused and what shouldnt be excused  by his aspergers.  well one way to do that is to observe him is he able to do things that are similar in an appropriate way? if the skill or behavior is social or communication related you can bet its probably difficult for him. like michael said even if hes able to do something in one situation doesnt mean hes going to automatically know that the same skills will work for another without being told and it explained to him.  Parents make mistakes we all make mistakes thing is we have to learn from them. the best things to start with is getting a supportive network around him , teachers, parents, other family, therapists. if he trusts these people and they truely care about him they can harbor a safe zone for him to make mistakes and know he wont be made fun of , laughed at, hurt. right now he doesnt feel there are more people who have his back then there are people who make fun of him and hurt him. Adults are much easier to work with then kids so work on the adults respecting him as a human being  while still giving him the support he needs to feel safe. then try and find a teen group you can google autism and your area and see what comes up. autism society of america is a good place to start but google it you might find something better. wish i could say i knew of an online forum for preteens but i dont. Plus something that alot of non autistic people dont realise is that in a room full or autistics our dynamics are pretty much the same as NTS only we do things diffrently just like people from another country do.  I mild example of that for me would be when i was a daycare teacher i had an african american little girl come up to me and say "i got to use it!" being white i said "you have to use what?" after a few times of her just repeating it I finally understood because she added physical movements with it (the potty dance) i did feel kinda stupid for not realizing but she grew up that that was totally appropriate to say and that wasnt even a phrase i had heard used for that. When aspies get together you will see some diffrences its mostly spread out more the "circle" is alot bigger , we have no problems telling others to talk louder or quiet down because we all understand how it is. we all accept that this person when excited talks louder or this person is shy around new people so you have to remind them to speak up. we are alot more accepting then the NT people we live with, work with , are around on a daily basis.

As an aspie living with more aspies one thing i quickly figured out is we are still all different my husband like dim/or not lights on And i like alot of lights...ive very sensitive to cold he doesnt like it hot,my son has way more vocal stims and echolalia then either my husband or myself, i have way more emotional issues then my husband or my son (cause im a woman with aspergers)

oh and by the way ive married an aspie gave birth to at least one aspie (3 more to be DX) and ive taught autistic children in a preschool setting.

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