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Permalink Reply by Brian R. King LCSW on January 11, 2012 at 1:51pm

I recently began homeschooling my 14 year old because the bullying got so out of control. Your son will continue to have difficulty regulating his emotions when he sees himself in constant threat of being attacked. His anxiety is so high that any aggravation can be the straw that broke the camels back.

Medication is one tool but won't solve his problem as long as his environment doesn't work in his favor. Lots to sort out here but we'll get there. 

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Permalink Reply by Amber on January 11, 2012 at 9:31pm

Well they are starting anxiety meds to start.  I called the school and they told me he will be on a new bus to see if that helps the bus situation.  I also requested an aide to be with him during passing periods and near him at lunch.  He does well in the classroom, he's not in special Ed classes but it seems the problems occur more on bus, lunch and between classes. My son said kids will punch him if he has an aide all day. That shows his anxiety about people noticing he has someone helping. That is when I came up with the idea to just have an aide during the problem times.  He will be in the hospital at least two weeks. Visited him today and he was very happy to see me:).  It's all overwhelming but just when I think how hard it is for me, I remember everything is even harder for him.

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Permalink Reply by Brian R. King LCSW on January 12, 2012 at 8:39am

One thing to help sort out is the cause and effect relationship he believes exists between getting help and being targeted. The way he's stating it is as though he's psychic, "If I have aide, they'll hit me." What is this belief based on?

Keep in mind though that I've encountered many cases where kids have been targeted for this reason but not always. My concern is that he hasn't experienced this problem and refusing to even consider it just in case.

If he perceives and variation from "normal" as being bad then he could end up fighting to very strategies that will ultimately lead to him being successful.

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Permalink Reply by Amber on January 21, 2012 at 7:09pm

My son came home from the hospital. He is doing ok. His diagnosis changed from bipolar to aspergers and mood disorder.  So confusing!

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Permalink Reply by Brian R. King LCSW on January 22, 2012 at 1:27pm

I suspect the new diagnosis is far more accurate and will hopefully allow you to be more laser focused on helping him learn to self regulate. Mood regulation in Asperger's has sensory components to it so I suggest examining his sensory sensitivities and the role they play in his anxiety and frustration. Calm is key to mood regulation.

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Permalink Reply by Amber on January 23, 2012 at 8:58am

He was put on Buspar 10 mg to help with anxiety. He is still on lithium 450mg bid. And trazodone 150 mg at night for insomnia. He was perfect all weekend. A joy to be around. I'm finally understanding that although some of his behaviors are annoying , they aren't dangerous or hurting anyone.  He is hearing impaired and wears hearing aides so he is loud anyways but sometimes I notice he is louder on certain meds.  He is still pretty hyper and nonstop talks. He constantly repeats words and makes songs out of them.   One thing he says all the time is egaroll egaroll egaroll.  I don't know what it means or where he got it from.  I just want to understand better why he says things and does certain things
He was great all weekend, we went sledding and watched movies.  But this morning he did not want to go to school and was mean to me.  He came up to me and said he knows I want to get rid of him so I will have to pay. He put his clean shirt in the toilet.  I was calm and told him i knew he was anxious about school, but if anything happened, he can tell me when he gets home and we will figure out a solution together.  He got in bus with no problem so I guess he will be ok for now.  Do these behaviors resemble aspergers?  I am positive he has it but get confused as to what certain things are a part of. Can aspergers kids get angry and violent?  Do they typically have strange words they sing and repeat?  

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Permalink Reply by Brian R. King LCSW on January 23, 2012 at 10:04am

The question is less about whether what he does resembles Asperger's and more about why he does them. Asperger's or not the main reasons we do anything is to meet a need, the main one's are to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

When a child says, "I know you want to get rid of me so you'll have to pay." The #1 priority is to ask him what you have said or done that left him with that impression. This belief drives the behaviors that follow. 

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Permalink Reply by Amber on January 23, 2012 at 1:28pm

I do ask and he says it's because I don't believe him about school. That he gets bullied or teachers are mean etc... He has some problems at school which is why we changed his bus .  I try to help him with any concerns.  One concern he had was that teachers would yell and scream at him for hitting the principal,(lead to hospitalization). Instead of saying "no that's not going to happen" the therapist suggested that I go along with it.  For example I should come up with a plan on what he should do if the teachers yell and scream at him.  Our plan was that if it happened, he should go to the office and talk to the social worker. Then he said what if the mean teacher doesn't let me leave?  I don't know how to lessen his fear when they never end. No solution will work and every idea is shot down by him.  Ever since I've hospitalized him the first time, he has said I do it to get rid of him. Obviously that is not true, I just want him stabilized so he doesn't cross the line and hurt himself or someone else more.  His first day back at school after being hospitalized I took him. He was anxious and not happy. He told me ahead of time he was going to tell the principal he hates him. Sure enough, the principal came up to him and said "so glad to have you back brad!". My son responded and said "I hate you!". Social worker came and the special Ed teacher and he icnores them. They could tell he was extremely anxious about returning so they suggested a half day for the first day.  My son said ok and began to talk again.  They even let him spend most of the day helping out the special Ed teacher. He walked off with them smiling and joking with them. I left when I knew he was ok.  He had a great day that day and all weekend until it came to school again today.  My problem is he exaggerates constantly. He'll tell me every kid in the school gets to leave for lunch and go to mcdonalds and to the store to buy a toy.  Or he'll tell me kids beat him up with knives and guns.  When I press him, usually the truth comes out. Then he'll say well that's probably what's going to happen. Do you think he really believes these things or envisions they will happen?  Or could he be doing it for attention and sympathy?  I really don't know how to respond to such things.

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Permalink Reply by Brian R. King LCSW on January 23, 2012 at 2:15pm

I suspect his exaggerations are in part a reflection of how different he believes he is treated from his peers. 

When he says his teachers "yell at him," what does that mean? Are they actually raising their voice or are they using a firm tone?

I've had clients that refer to any correction by an adult as "yelling."

Permalink Reply by Amber on January 23, 2012 at 2:40pm

I agree with that Brian.  I notice he says that even when not yelled at.  He may say that when told no or something he doesn't like.  What could the meaning be behind this?

Permalink Reply by Amber on January 23, 2012 at 2:42pm

He is very sensitive so I suspect his feelings get hurt easily when he feels someone is not happy with him.  

Permalink Reply by Brian R. King LCSW on January 23, 2012 at 2:50pm

He's likely so hypersensitive at this point that every criticism stings deeply. This isn't easy to reserve but it is possible. It will require a full examination of how everyone from you, school staff and family interacts with him.