There are still people who beleive a person who cannot speak has nothing to say, or even thoughts for that matter.

There's as much logic to that belief as, "Well if I can't see a person's heart beating they must not have one." 

Even the supposedly brightest people among us can easily fall into the trap of believing that if they don't see it then it isn't there. 

The DSM

That brings me to the recent uproar resulting from the upcoming changes to the DSM (Diagnostic and statistics Manual) which will redefine who is qualified (according to the American Psychiatric Association) as being on the Autism Spectrum. 

It is unfortunate that our world has reduced itself to a medical, deficit based perception of humankind to determine who gets services of any kind to help them live a full and productive life.

With that said, my following words are not written within the context of someone who depends upon the label for educational or governmental services, they speak to something far more substantial.

Be a man

"Be a man" is a phrase I've heard throughout my life by self-appointed models of masculinity. What does that phrase even mean? It refers to whatever that person believes are the most desirable traits and abilities that you MUST display to the world in order to qualify as being A MAN. 

As you and I both know, there's more to being a man than simply what the world gets to see. Each of us has so much more to us than that.

The iceberg

It is said that only 10% of the iceberg is above the surface of the water. The same could be said about autism, being a man or any other way of being for that matter. The 10% is all the world sees at any given time and that is all the DSM assesses about a person.

Therefore (in my opinion), parents, professionals, educators, you name it, will often use the label based on DSM criteria, that only refers to 10% of a person to determine virtually everything they will believe about this person, who that person is and who that person can become. 

No book or label can tell you who you are nor should it ever. Even a volcano is more than it's mountain or lava. It is the superficial expression of a deep system of underground channels of active, moving, liquid molten rock and hot gases. Similar to many politicians. 

Just as a tree is only as strong as it's extensive system of roots that exist and thrive far beneath the surface and view. They are what sustain the tree.

The point here is that what you see on the surface is always an indication of something deeper. Stimming, seeming inflexibility, black and white thinking are not the ends but they are means to an end. They point the way to something deeper, something far below the surface of the iceberg, the tree, the volcano.

Outside the box

I have watched many on the autism spectrum mistake what they do for who they are. "I stim because I'm autistic" they believe. No you stim to regulate your nervous system so you can feel calm, focused, centered and better able to experience life the way you want to.

Autism, like any other label is a box, a description of characteristics that when practiced consistently determines who gets to use the label and who doesn't. Just like people argue over who's more manly, christian, conservative and so on.

NONE of these labels or their superficial criteria tell you who you are, they only tell you how effectively you demostrate a pattern of superficial behaviors consistently enough to win the label.

In the end it's what's below the surface, the things that drive this behavior that determine everything. The things you can't see but can sure as hell experience. 

I used to find so much validation and connection in the label "Aspie" that I allowed it to limit my growth. I felt that I needed the world to accept this profile of challenges as WHO I AM, and why? Because that's what I'd done.

I had decided that a label along the autism spectrum and all the limits they imposed upon me were real. They aren't.

They're 10% of who I am and sometimes mask the other 90% that is below the surface where you will find that vastness of all that I am. The same 10% a group of know it all Psychiatrists decided to slap a label on and then tell the rest of the world that from now on they'd decide what to call people who consistently demonstrate this pattern of behavior.

I'm so glad they didn't decide who also gets to be called "a man" or anything else for that matter. 

So who am I

I've said this before, a book cannot tell you who are any more than looking at the tip of an iceberg can tell you what's happening below the surface.

To fixate so heavily on 10% of yourself and identify so strongly with it prevents growth. It did in my case. When I realized that being fully human had far more to offer me I began looking deeper and found that I was connected to so many more people than by any other category. 

Thinking of myself as an "Aspie" or "Autistic" limits me to a set of behaviors and perceptions that when I fight to be that, I end of distancing myself from the very people I want to connect with. I end up emphasizing what makes us different from each other instead of what connects us.

But when I'm human, as are you, suddenly our imperfections are all too clear and all too similar. They are what connect us and allow us to see that we are truly more similar than we ever imagined, have more to learn from each other than we ever thought, and have more to discover together than we ever dreamed.

You're human, meeeeee toooooo. Let's do that together.

Photo Credit missdarlene via Flikr